she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
