Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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