It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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