she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have feelings that need drinking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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