btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
