chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
