I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
