and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
