Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
