He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
