but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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