For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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