i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sobbing to NWA
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
