You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
