I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize