its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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