He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
