i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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