The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
