after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the day after is always just damage control
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
