Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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