just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
