It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
