Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
