And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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