I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
