I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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