What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
