I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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