Even the bartender felt bad for me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
