I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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