Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Randomize
