So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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