She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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