What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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