i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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