My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
