Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
