NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
