the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
