his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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