your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
