Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
