white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
