I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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