Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
