I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
