Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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