Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
