No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
