Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
