Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
