What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
