Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
