I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
