Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
