I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
