Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
