so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize