No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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