No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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