I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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