He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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