Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
