You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
