my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
