her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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