I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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